Boston Valentine’s Day Gift Guide – For Him

In case you didn’t know, Valentine’s Day goes both ways (kind of like your boyfriend—rimshot!) If you want to get some pretty flowers, cupcakes, or anything I listed in my “For Her” gift guide a few posts ago, you’re gonna have to shell out yourself. Most guys would probably be satisfied with a hummer and a bottle of Jameson (or maybe I just need higher standards), but getting your special dude at least something a little original is a nice way of showing that you care. Otherwise who are you going snuggle with after an afternoon of Who’s the Boss? re-runs.

This gift guide is going to be a lot shorter than the girls one, because really, if I knew what guys wanted, I’d probably have a boyfriend. As far as I know, guys want sex, video games, and girlfriends who aren’t diagnosed sociopaths. And since there are no girls who aren’t at least 76% crazy, your boy toy is gonna have to settle. Make it up to him in other ways:

Food Gifts:

You can’ go wrong with bacon. And since you’re a girl, you can suck it up and actually cook something. I know that statement is a travesty of gender-role reinforcement and a gang of feminists will probably sneak in through my window tonight and bleed uterine lining on me, but I don’t care. If you bake your boyfriend These bacon donuts with maple glaze he will probably propose marriage–after telling you that you’re hotter than Scarlett Johanssen, with better boobs. And if you’re too lazy to make something (like me), take him out to dinner atRedbones for the best barbecue in Boston. Yeah, I said it. It’s better than the East Coast Grill, unless it happens to be Hell Night, but that doesn’t come near VDay, so Redbones gets my vote. Pro tip: you can drown yourself in margaritas while he can choose from the 28+ beers on tap. 

Redbones

What says romance like a huge pile of meat?

Food Gift Runners Up: Well, it depends on what kind of boyfriend you have. If he’s one of those post-meta-neo-hippies from Somerville or Jamaica Plain who listen obsessively to Neil Young and dress like Devendra Banhart, hang out at the Diesel Cafe reading the Weekly Dig and drinking chai, no problemo. Take him to The Boston Cheese Cellar, and watch him get lost in locavore heaven. Balsamic vinegar or whatever–he’ll be happy. If, on the other hand, you’ve got the kind of boy who’s seen Independence Day 400 times, gets all geeked out for Comic-con, and eats at Taco Bell 3 times a week…take him out for a scoop at Christina’s, which is basically the best ice cream in the country. Coconut butterfinger and burnt sugar is such a good combo it will make you both forget that it’s an arctic subz-zero wasteland outside, and it won’t get any better until April.

ice cream

Yeah, that's right. Winter, go fuck yourself.

Gifts for classy gentlemen:

Wiley Valentine has beautiful letterpress cards and printed ephemera. If you have an artsy boyfriend, he’ll appreciate the craftstmanship. If you don’t have an artsy boyfriend, Bioshock 2 is coming out soon. Or Dante’s Inferno is on it’s way, if your guy is more of a fan of lyric poetry than obectivism.

Bioshock 2

Be a Big Sister to your boyfriend. But not in an incestuous creepy way.

Ok, I’m going to stop pretending that I know anything about the male organism. All my past relationships have been based on vaguely schizophrenic attraction and mutual love of books. So I’m going to post some books here and then be done with it. Sorry, dudes. I’m relatively sure you only care about VDay because you think your girlfriend cares.

Book Gifts

Get him The Complete Calvin and Hobbes, because it’s a classic.
Get him the brilliant Achewood: The Great Outdoor Fight (he’ll go over the moon)
Get him Watchmen, The Sandman series, Marvel Zombies, or Hellblazer.
Get him anything by Kurt Vonnegut or Charles Bukowski. Guys dig that stuff.
Get him Kitchen Confidential by Anthony Bourdain. He’s a bad-ass, and he writes like one.
Or get him Beatles Rock band, because no guy is gonna say no to that.

Bourdain

Cooking with cocaine...

Have a happy Valentine’s Day, dudes. Don’t worry–most girls hate it too. Really, it’s just an excuse for sex and chocolate. Treat it as such.

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